


Parties, Promises, Plans and Parabatai

by Aninator



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), Tales from the Shadowhunter Academy - Cassandra Clare, The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Gen, Grief/Mourning, Illnesses, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Pain, Parabatai, Party
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-20
Updated: 2021-03-10
Packaged: 2021-03-17 10:42:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 14,010
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29591589
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aninator/pseuds/Aninator
Summary: A party in memory of absent family members. We are introduced to new characters. A Parabatai ceremony and Malec anniversary are coming soon. Alec is not feeling well.CW: grief, illness
Relationships: Clary Fray/Jace Wayland, Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood, Simon Lewis & Isabelle Lightwood
Comments: 4
Kudos: 18





	1. A Family Dinner

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A party in memory of absent family members. We are introduced to new characters. A Parabatai ceremony and Malec anniversary are coming soon. Alec is not feeling well.
> 
> CW: grief, illness

Setting: Alicante. At Lightwood-Bane residence. Two weeks prior to Malec’s 40th anniversary celebration. Max Lightwood is being remembered at a dinner. As in the show, he survived the initial encounter with Jonathan Morgenstern , but because the procedure by The Silent Brothers is so dangerous and rarely used, it contributed to his early death, right around what would have been the correct timing for his namesake to have his Rune ceremony, if Max had been a Shadowhunter.

Magnus is sitting at the head of the table, looking comfortable and pleased with himself, not at how large and powerful his family had become over the last decades, but because of how much love and security he sensed in this room.

Jace and Clary were here, with their son, Jonathan Luke, affectionately known as Jayson, to avoid confusion.

Izzy and Simon brought little Josie, who Magnus had to keep reminding himself was a teenage expert in Warlock research under Madsie’s careful education, and that neither of the women were babies any longer. Both still enjoyed collaborations with Catorina, who was available to consult when asked to assist with challenging Downworlder and mundane medical care. Magnus hoped that Jocelyn would be proud of both her grandchildren, as Simon considered himself firmly a part of the Fairchild family, having had to separate himself from his mother so long ago. Apparently Josie was feeling similar wishes to highlight family ties tonight. She’s worked a spell on her appearance. Her hair matches Clary’s. And what was that? Did she just wink at him with a set of Bane cat eyes?! That’s not even her mark.... oh okay, she’s making a point about Max Lightwood’s first party... but he really must speak with her about Izzy’s old whip. He knew that warlock children with Nephillim parents were allowed to cross-train at Shadowhunter Academy now, and that as an adult, she had the right and responsibility of defending mundanes and the Shadow World. But weapons at his parties had a long history of inviting bad endings, and that was not a fashion accessory. Even if the tradition of being destined to wield a parent’s weapon did look beautiful on her.

And ah.... is that... love brewing? This family tree.... Josie and Livy Blackthorn. Oh Josie, be careful with your heart. Aline Penhallow’s daughter may be a rescued Shadowhunter prisoner of the Fey... but she may have learned their ways. Mark may need to watch out for them...

Is Magnus getting too old for this much family drama? Or maybe just more intuitive as he ages. But where is his angel boy? Magnus still calls him that, even though he knows that Alexander is well into his 60s. 40 years hasn’t even begun to prepare him for the very real possibility of losing Alec. It is not the High Inquisitor he’ll miss (although Magnus does acknowledge the enduring power of Alec’s legacy in the area of respect and representation and acceptance of both Downworlders and people of various orientations in the community. No he’d miss the Alexander he’d found... the scared lost boy who once thought love was about duty, the only one who ever thought to give him a real present, the one who would break his heart to save him but never break his promises.... if only- no he couldn’t get lost in future despair now. Alexander needed him more than ever. He’d just lost his parents a year ago. Magnus’ heart still hurt its own private pain that he and Jem weren’t able to save Maryse. Of course hemissed his mother-in-law, and he knew her loss was hurting all the Lightwoods gravely, but most of all, Magnus was so sorry to lose their strong friendship.... the deep trust that had grown up between them.

Lorenzo: *as if deliberately trying to cut of Magnus in his mental wanderings* Have you seen Ragnor?

Magnus: *Not worried* No I haven’t seen your grandson anywhere. Maybe in the garden? You know he still loves to watch the Wild Hunt, even though he’s left the Court?

Lorenzo: *seeing Rafe Lightwood-Bane and his wife Julia Blackthorn, who is still the spitting image of her mother Emma Carstairs* Hola mi familia....have you seen Malechi?

Julia: Last I saw he was with his uncle Max. Organizing something for Alec for the big day coming up. Magnus, you seem to be rubbing off on these kids. They love big parties!

Rafe: Why? Are you looking for Ragnor? Those two are inseparable. *laughs* They’ll end up being Parabatai before we blink.

Alec: You’re right, my son! *catching sight of vintage band t-shirts that were probably found while shopping with Simon* Ah, there they are. Mal, come sit with me. I want to talk to you about your Parabatai ceremony. You and Ragnor have become fine young warriors... and I’m so proud of you both. I had the Iron Sisters forge you two some Seraph blades. See? Aunt Clary designed new family crests for us years ago...Lightwood-Bane ...and Underhill-Rey. Both crests. And complementary designs etched in. Your weapons will work together just as well as you do... I love you Malechi Gabriel.

Both boys: *quickly, with excitement* Thank you so much, Grandpa! *Alec winks at Ragnor*

Ragnor: *startled, and unnecessarily nervous* I mean.... thank you for including me, Inquistor....sir.

*Alec chuckles and pats the youth on the shoulder as he calls for attention*

Alec: Everyone please! I’d like to thank you for being here with us at this dinner to celebrate the contributions and the legacies and *chokes up but rallies after he feels Magnus squeeze his hand* and the memories of *breathes deeply* Max Lightwood and Lucian Greymark and .... Maryse Lightwood-Greymark! Now, beloved ones, let’s eat this gorgeous food!

Alexander hid it well, but Magnus could see in his face that Jace could tell something was seriously upsetting his Parabatai. 50 years had given him ample experience reading his brother’s brooding moods. And even without Catarina’s medical expertise, Magnus could tell that Alec looked pained and was eating too slowly. He was distracted....

Are you all right, my angel with the arrows, shot right to my heart? *whispered into a kiss*

Jace: Magnus you dog you! Kisses in the middle of a family dinner. He just wants to get you into bed early! *As typical for Herondale men, using humor and bravado to cover his very real concern, supposedly for the sake of the kids* 40 years hasn’t slowed this love down! 

Alec: *breathing heavily, under his breath* No... just makes it really hard to enjoy food... and eat! I’m all right.... I just need a minute... *breathes slowly and deliberately*

To be continued....


	2. A long night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec is very sick and Magnus wants to take care of him by himself, so that they can have space to talk about their fears. 
> 
> CW: nausea, vomiting, fainting, pain, PTSD, implied suicide, grief, major illness.

At the end of dinner, Jace finds Alec slumped against a banister, with his eyes closed.

“Are you okay?” he asks as an opening, although the answer is a quite obvious one.

Alec: *weakly, and getting greener by the second* I need to get out of here. But I don’t think I can make it upstairs. I need your strength....

Jace: Breathe. I’ll be right back. I’m going to find Clary and Magnus. You alright, brother? Two minutes, I promise. Stay here. No, sit down.

Catching Magnus by the arm in the courtyard, they finally find Clary in the kitchen, cleaning up.

Clary: Hello you two! Come to help out? How unusual!

Jace was happy to see that all trace of good humored ribbing left his wife’s body when she caught sight of Magnus’ face.

Jace: Darling, cover for us? We have a project for the anniversary party that needs work. *he borrowed a trick from the Blackthorn family and spelled A-L-E-C S-I-C-K L-E-A-V-I-N-G N-O-W up her arm.

Clary: *with clouded eyes, but brightly* Sure. Good luck!

With a speed Jace didn’t know he still possessed, he and Magnus returned to find his Parabatai obviously more dizzy and ill but maintaining his composure...until he reached for them. Full weight and desperate to move.

Alec: Thank the Angel!

Jace: *with effort, partly due to the growing pain in his Parabatai rune* Ok we got you. We got this! We’re okay. Deep breaths one foot in front of the other...

Magnus: *lovingly* Always got you, Alexander....

*upstairs, Alec is fading* Come on Angel... a few more steps. No no. Stay here. Stay with me.

Jace: Won’t know where to go unless you tell us. Couch? Bed?

Alec: I’m so nau- *screams* my stomach! *falling to his knees* Bathroom! Magnus you’re gonna have to help me with this... I feel really shaky. I don’t think I should be alone. I’m probably going to pass out. Promise you won’t leave me?

Magnus: I’ve always promised I will never leave you alone, my Alexander. In sickness and health, remember, love?

Alec *struggling in many ways* keep all the other promises too, alright? My favorite party planner....

Jace: What other promises? Party planning?! Alec, are you delir- *seeing recognition in Magnus’ eyes* What is he talking about?!

Magnus: it’s okay. It’s private. I’ll take care of him for a few minutes by myself. I don’t have enough supplies for nausea left. Alicante baby boom. Run down to the kitchen and see what you can find. Here’s a list.

Jace: Okay..... but first I finally found a use for this *hands Alec his award for service to the Clave, which is conveniently a rather large bowl. He finally relieves some of his discomfort*

Magnus is finally alone with Alec in their bathroom. As requested, he has lifted his husband onto the toilet... and he has kept him conscious and safe.... while he has been violently sick and shaking with whimpering sobs

Magnus: *worried* Alec I need you to breathe. Breathe and rest. I’m here for you and I’m not going anywhere. Is there anything that I can do for you? Is this a virus? I don’t think it’s food poisoning because you were hurting before dinner. You thought I didn’t notice?

Alec: No. I just know that you were watching the little ones. Dearest, I’m so sorry....*groans, exhaustedly* Just keep your promise, please?

Magnus: *mentally* ALEXANDER! Magnus has to restrain himself from - no don’t literally shake him- he’s so sick.... Damn it...

Alec: *confused* Magnus? Are you still here? *attempts to be playful, but fails* God I wish my body could stop spraying muck long enough to...*swallowing hard*

Magnus: *handing over the freshly washed container* Alexander.... *choosing the right words* did you...take anything tonight? Should I be worried?Because Raziel forgive me if I missed a step in supporting the man I love. We haven’t had this kind of conversation often enough. Especially after the attack on Luke and your mother... *trying to slow his increasingly rapid pulse* You’re talking a lot about promises lately... are you....safe?! I don’t even want to say the words.... my love.... I can’t...*flashback to his mother’s death* any other way I could learn to bear but please ...don’t ever, ever... I can’t go through that again. Do I need to get Catarina up here?! Tell me quickly-

Alec: *horrified* Oh my god! By the Angel! I *takes several deep breaths and holds on to the counter to steady himself* Magnus. No! I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to trigger you. Quite the opposite *closes as much space as possible between them without actually kissing him, all arms and hands and forehead* It’s because... *clears his throat* I’ve been...*ignoring his body’s protesting* worried about YOU! You’re right. This isn’t just food poisoning. I’ve already gone to Catarina. We don’t have results yet. But I can tell it’s going to be rough on us all at least, if not the end of me *sighs* I may be able to continue acting like the strong Nephilim patriarch for the family, and hell for the Clave... but you and Jace....

Magnus: I’ve always been able to see underneath your *in an affected bedroom voice* Shadowhunter mode! *they both laugh*

Alec: I’m not so sexy tonight. Anyway, I’m worried about you... I don’t want to be a burden to you...

Magnus: *suddenly exhausted* Alexander we’ve discussed this... No matter what- Do you remember? “ I pictured having you for fifty, sixty more years. I thought I might be ready to let you go. But it's you, and I realize now that I won't be any more ready to lose you than I am right now. Which is not at all.” I have you for 40+ years and it’s still not long enough for me. You are my life. My Shadowhunter. My husband. My spark-seeker. My favorite person. My everything....never a burden, only my light!

Alec: Exactly! That’s what I’m worried about...I’m scared to death of what it’s going to be like for you. Supporting me, watching me go through this. I’m... babe... I’m not sure you can. You told me that if I promised to come to you when my life was falling apart. When I don’t have control. When things get crazy... and this is me doing that. Not- not because I’m going dark places, not because I don’t have control of my mental health right now....because believe me there is NOTHING I want more than to spend more time with you. But...*coughs* I don’t have control of my body anymore... and I NEED you. I need you to keep your half of my promise after Max... after the party at your place. I need you to take care of me. To stay with me. Even when I am gross. Even when I’m a burden. Even when it’s hard and something is triggering. Even when everyone else is freaking out. I. Need. You. Right here. Otherwise I can’t breathe. I can’t fight alone...without you being by my side. Yes, even with my Parabatai... I need you both. *anxious and fading again* Please... please... please let me rest knowing...that you have me safe and you’re not going anywhere. *desparate for tactile reassurance* And that you won’t...afterwards.... for the rest of the family....for YOU. I can’t bear to be the reason-*his emotions start affecting his stomach, and he has to stop for a long, noisy, painful break in an otherwise romantic speech* The rest of the conversations can come later....(we have to tell Jace) I don’t have the strength right now....

Alec deflates, with the whimper that before now had terrified the warlock, but that he now recognized as just the end of the angel boy’s spent effort. It was a kind of music, letting him know that he could come in, underneath his emotional armor. Could come home.

Magnus : *soothing, hands in Alec’s hair*Shhh. Beloved. Tomorrow. After sleep. We’ll move forward. Together. A wise man once said “Take my hands,” *pulls him close* “And take my strength too. Whatever of it you can use to— to keep yourself going.” *cleaning him up* There is nothing that could scare me away from loving and taking care of you and *emphatically* our family. *carrying him to bed* Not even 40 years after you’ve left. This life and every life afterwards. Forever. Okay?

Alec, finally satisfied that they are both safe and secure in their love, is asleep before he hears the question. He answers in his own way: *distantly* I love you, Magnus, so so much....

Magnus turns out the lights with a wave and leaves a soft forehead kiss on Alec’s still sweaty brow, as he moves the container, magically washed again, just in case, to Alec’s side of the bed.He notices finally that Jace has given up texting him and has left the supplies by their closed door. (Jace still hasn’t learned how to tell when he just wants Alec to himself) although now they really are necessary, given the possibilities of Alec’s illness. It’s the end of a long night 

To be continued 


	3. Moving forward

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec and Magnus have breakfast in bed. Alec tells Jace about his illness. They tell Izzy and everyone airs concerns. Alec holds a family only meeting with his generation to explain his support needs. Jace and Alec handle symptoms during the Council meeting.
> 
> CW: body image, illness, PTSD, grief, abandonment, anxiety, disclosure of medical issues, addiction, secrets

Magnus: *cheerfully* Sunshine! You’re up!  
Good morning, pup! How are you feeling? You look gorgeous, as always!

Alec: *squinting against the sun* Ugh! In which decade of our relationship are you going to QUIT trying to make pup happen?! And you watched me vomit more times last night than we dated... I AM NOT gorgeous or remotely sexy! *tries and fails to sit up* just DIZZY... really dizzy.

Magnus: Whoa. Okay. You’re okay. *steadying him* slow down. We’re not in any hurry. It’s me. “You never have to pretend how you feel”. And you are sexy. Intimacy of all kinds is sexy. Vulnerability is sexy. Trusting me to take care of you is very very sexy. More please! Seriously... breathe. Stay here with me. Breakfast in bed?

Alec: Food?! No... Magnus.... I can’t...

Magnus *jokingly offended* I didn’t say anything about a big buffet! Tea, water, apple juice, chicken broth, Sprite, toast? Anything you need? You can’t survive on nothing, Alexander. Your body needs energy! Come on, just try something with me... please. I’ll take - it’s not a failure if you do get sick and I won’t get mad. It’s okay to navigate through this with me, alright? I have you safe...

Alec: *backtracking* I didn’t mean it like that. I just meant that the idea of another public meal after last night...is unimaginable right now.

Magnus: *gently* I’m hardly the public, Alec. Why do you think we’re eating in bed? You don’t have to get up. No one is watching you with questions. It’s quiet. And if you end up not feeling up to it... we’re right here. *gestures towards the bathroom* It’s me. I know you, Alexander Gideon Lightwood-BANE. You’ve shared my bed and my name for 40 years. I do know a thing or two about saving your ego...and your stomach! Stop whining and eat your crackers! You’re a wonderful man, but you’re the worst of all of us when it comes down to accepting help. *strokes down Alec’s nose playfully*

Alec: *smiles* Ok. I’m sorry.... *reaching for the crackers hidden behind his tea* Hey, how’d you know I would go for the crackers first?

Magnus: *already fussing about cracker crumbs* Because I know you, love. I know everything you love. Crackers. And me. AndIzzy. And Jace.

Alec: *running a hand over his tired eyes* Oh great. I have to tell them, don’t I? *attempting his tea* What do I even say to Jace? I remember how I felt, even decades after I got him back... those 5 minutes when he was dead....even worse than when I almost lost you. No offense.That was terrifying too! *shivers* How do I get him prepared for this?

Magnus: *turning to face him, seriously* You don’t. And yet, you do. You get to prepare him for this. For some of it, anyway. You have the chance to say things to each other. That’s a chance most Shadowhunters don’t get, even Parabatai. *placing a hand on Alec’s shoulder* You and I have both seen it. Alexander, please...Use your time. And you don’t have to tell them. We are going tell them. Moving forward, together. It’s a new day. *adding, as an afterthought* Remind him that he won’t be alone. “Your people will be my people”. It goes further than you’re thinking. He’s my brother too.

Alec: *incredulous, and grateful* Thank you. Thank you for being there for me last night. There really aren’t enough words for how much I appreciate it. And this...wow! I’m impressed. And humbled. And hungrier than I thought.

Magnus: *chuckles* Not so fast, you over achieving rascal. Keep it slow. I didn’t put THAT MANY anti-nausea brews in your tea. *Looking out the window* Here comes Jace. Neither one of us is going anywhere. We will always love and support you. And each other. You have nothing to lose. So no fear.

Alec: *embarrassed that he’s been caught out about dreading a conversation with his Parabatai* Right. Fearless. It’s you two. I don’t even need the rune. *squeezes Magnus hand*

Jace: *relieved, and animated* Alec, you’re awake! And eating?! I wasn’t sure if you were gonna make it, let alone expecting- thank the Angel! You really had me worried! Let’s go get changed. *hesitating a beat when Magnus motions to a chair beside the bed* ...we are still... training today? Alec, say something?

Alec: *sensing his fear* Well I’m gonna... take it easy... see how I feel.

Jace makes a face that has probably only happened 4 times before now- the death of his falcon, Alec’s brush with death from the ill-advised Parabatai tracking, the aftermath of Lilith’s possession, and losing their mother. Alec thought the pain in his eyes might break both their hearts... or at the very least, make his dizziness skyrocket again.

Alec: *soothing* Jace... please don’t look at me like that. Sit down. Have some water. Let’s talk. Okay? It’s just us. *Crosses to his chair and kneels in front of him, suddenly glad that Magnus had dressed him in this ridiculous looking robe* Easy there we go.

Alec, ignoring Shadowhunter norms around emotional displays, begins wiping his brother’s tears into the fabric and folding him in a hug.

Jace: Please don’t leave me, Alec. I can’t- I don’t want to be alone again!

Magnus: Oh Jace...Alone... you’re not going to be alone...

Alec: *realizing* Wait! J you can’t be serious! You don’t actually think...after all these years... YOU. ARE. NOT. A. STRAY. You are a Lightwood! You are a Fairchild now! You are a Herondale, for crying out loud! Stop talking like this...no one is throwing you out. Stop trying to prove yourself to us. Okay? We’re not keeping score. *quietly* we never were... *Jace mutters a stilted agreement, and there is a long pause while everyone regulates their breathing again* Please don’t run from this. I need you close. I can’t do this alone either.

Jace: You won’t be *standing* I promise. What do you need? Give me something to do! My Parabatai. My best friend. My brother. My Inquistor. *noticing a lack of response* Alec?

Alec: *trying to rally himself* Today is going to be physically harder than I thought. I need a few minutes before we tell Izzy.... and Clary. My head...*rubbing his temples* Jace take over for me with the Council meeting... or at least be prepared in case I need you. I may be in need of a break...*holding his eyes closed* and you may not have much warning ... Just be ready, okay? I make no promises.

Jace: *earnestly, clamping his hand as if renewing their oath* Of course! “You’re staying, I’m staying. We fight together!”

Dressed, Alec finds Jace back in the courtyard, talking to Julia. She warmly acknowledges her father-in-law, and returns inside to supervise her son’s preparation for his final Parabatai test. All was ready and right with them.

Alec: *lowering his voice* Jace, I’m so afraid. I don’t... I don’t know how to face this. I’m so used to being here...and fighting for everyone else. Being the one who fixes the problems. Not as the one asking for help. *Jace wraps him in a bear hug* How do I be the voice of the Nephillim...when I can barely speak? When I’m so anxious I can barely breathe?

At the mention of anxiety, Jace begins to add a subtle, gentle rocking, with just a hint of Maryse’s familiar lullaby.

Alec: *slightly more relaxed now* When I’m struggling at unpredictable times, stuck in bathrooms, helpless as my body betrays my protection mandate? How do I move forward? What do I tell my people? *half collapses into him, exhausted*

Jace: I’m not gonna tell you it will be easy. And I can’t tell you what to say... but I will be here for as long as you need me. And I can tell you that you’re still you. You’re still a Lightwood. Still a leader. People still look up to you, still seek your guidance. Look at last night. You were sicker than you’ve ever been in your life... and your own grandkids were falling all over themselves star struck. Whatever happens, whatever you do or decide to say. You can do this. We will figure this out. WE. Okay? “Aught but death...” I got you. Listen to me. *pulling Alec towards his chest to hear his heartbeat* Listen to your body. Still dizzy? Let’s go find Sister. Walk with me. “Entreat me not to leave thee...”

Jace: Hey Isabelle, big brother needs us for a Lightwood team meeting! Come sit with us.

Izzy: *exaggerated boredom* What demon are we fighting off today?

Alec: *more seriously than he intended* Oh, not a hard one, just my body.

Izzy: *shocked* WHAT?! Alec- What is happening?!?!

Alec could see that she was mentally sounding every alarm in the city. Oops! He had forgotten temporarily that despite her tough, authoritative exterior she used so well in leadership roles; he was seeing another side of his sister: the woman who would stop at nothing to protect the people she loves. Like mother, like daughter. The thought made him smile, in spite of the topic at hand.

Jace: *taking her hand* Iz, before you get battle ready about this....

Alec: *taking the other* we don’t have all the information yet. But Izzy, I’m sick... and there’s gonna be a lot of pain. And I don’t want to cause a problem for you....*having trouble meeting her eyes* with your addiction. So I’m going to try not to use anything you’d struggle with...because I don’t want to create extra stress and temptation for you. 

Izzy: *sniffs* Oh Alec! I haven’t had issues in years. Thank you for being so considerate of me. But really... it’s okay. And the best thing for all of us is for you to have what you need and for you to focus and take care of yourself. We’ll figure it out. We’ll keep talking about our needs and our feelings... and YOU. Because this is your health right now. Let us take care of YOU, Alexander! I love you....

Magnus: *walking up behind Izzy and placing a hand on her shoulder* We’re all here. *magically pulling up chairs for Clary and Simon as they arrive behind him* It’s okay. *he winks at Alec* Your meeting, Inquisitor. 

Alec: *rolls his eyes, and then his neck* Okay. Before we go into today’s Council meeting.... I have some...personal news. Need to know. Family. Adults only. ....for now.*breath, sets his hands on the table* Not a lot of information yet. But I’m going through something. A health struggle. It’s serious. I’m still in testing. Catarina is running point. Jace has agreed to step in temporarily if I’m...unavailable...while you guys are...home.

*various levels of surprise and support*

Okay, okay! Thank you. Let’s go to business. 

  * Izzy- communication and public information sharing with everyone else...when we get that far
  * Simon- take over my physical training duties, since you’ve been teaching at the Academy most recently.
  * Jace- help with Parabatai training and ceremony...and today with all the formal meetings. And...Parabatai.
  * Clary- can you come up with a shorthand visual or rune system where I can privately talk about what I need you all to do to support me?
  * Magnus- Just... continue... being you. You already know what I need. Just be my husband. We have enough warlocks working on this.



Mostly it’s stomach related. And weakness spells. And a lot of dizziness. I’m not going to lie to any of you. You will know when I know. I have no idea what to tell the kids... and honestly... I’m really really scared. Right this second, I feel okay... but last night...was AWFUL! So we’ll take it as it comes... and I’ll try to ask for what I need. And try not to freak out. And try not to coddle me too much. Any questions?

*Everyone tries to talk at once*

Alec: *pulling his siblings aside* Izzy, talk to me! Are you still with me?!

Izzy: *nervous but resolved* absolutely we’re with you, big brother! We’re all still Lightwoods. Three go in...*tearing up* and three come out! 

A few hours pass and Alec has managed to make it through most of the Council meeting. It is a testament to Alec’s dedication that no one else seems to have noticed his attention slipping, mostly from lack of sleep, and his anxiety. But Jace feels a buzz from his cell phone.

ALEC: *via text* Help.  🚨🚨🚨🚽💩💩 I’m not gonna make it to the break. Get me out!

Jace: *rushing in* Inquisitor! There’s a plumbing problem at the Academy! They need your support and expertise! We shall return when we can!

As they enter the nearest bathroom, which Catarina and Magnus have (thank the Angel) stocked with supplies and glamored, Alec sighs with relief.

Alec *breathless as he closes the door* “I knew there was a reason you were my Parabatai!”

Jace smiles mischievously about his ‘plumbing problem’ joke as Alec settles on the toilet and he guards the door. They will, as always, share each other’s joys, bear each other’s pain and for now... keep each other’s secrets.

To be continued...


	4. Dizzy dizzy, dissociation, daydreaming, drop and dates?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec and Magnus get through some difficult medical moments with Catarina’s help. Catarina finds a diagnosis and treatment plan. Magnus and Alec discuss their favorite memories....in bed. Alec wants to surprise Magnus with a romantic dinner
> 
> CW: PTSD, illness, medical emergency, pain, nausea, anxiety, fainting, medical testing, sex

Alec is shivering. He’s never been this cold and weak, even in Fairy. He knows that he’s going to faint again but he’s trying to power through the end of the day. The Clave is leaving in two hours, and he remembers what it was like when Andrew Blackthorn’s condition was discovered. Even with all the progress the Lightwood family has witnessed, the Clave doesn’t look kindly on the blending of leadership...and disability.

He wished he had fairy rings now, so that he could send “Magnus I need you” across the room. The lights are so bright, and his head is fuzzy. He keeps reminding himself where he is... and what year it was. Pain and dizziness and anxiety and weakness were competing for his attention. If anyone had dared to ask, the Inquisitor, in all honesty, had no clue what was happening around him while the Clave met. His symptoms have increased, and expectations needed to be managed today. His mind was working backwards, seemingly everywhere else.

So much pain had already happened in Clave proceedings. His father, Livvy Blackthorn, Valentine’s rebellions...the Carstairs family, Meliorn, Izzy, Rafe. Malachi. His mother ...This place....well the institution that the building holds...has its own demons.

But joyful memories too. Runes, Parabatai, weddings and funerals. Even that first public moment with Magnus...official cementing of their relationship status. Yes. Magnus. He just needed Magnus close....to stop all this noise and the images and memories flying around in his head...every time his stomach rebels the fainting and weakness takes control of his brain. As much as he loved and trusted his brother in battle, and even with most of his illness...when things got this out of control. When he couldn’t breathe. Couldn’t find his way back to himself.... he needed an anchor deeper than even the angelic bond. Someone who knows and loves his very body. Broken down or not. Magnus still knows him. All of him. How his body has grown and changed, and now, how it works. Not in battle, but at rest. When he doesn’t know what he can offer, and what he needs the most is silence and support. He didn’t even feel like the same person who had linked with Jace... and he didn’t know what that meant. They might need to talk about it...later

I can’t...breathe! Alec fights through the pain, very near collapse. He tries to look through the pictures that Clary sent for communication, but in his confusion... what to send Magnus?! Dizzy? Faint? Anxious? Sick? Pain? Trauma? Send everything?!?!

He was halfway to the floor before he could decide...when he felt a strong, and loving hand catch him.

Magnus: *quietly* Jace sent me over. He felt your pain and knew what you were asking for. He’s got the meeting covered for you. He knows the Clave, and I got you. *draws a circle around the two of them* No one can see or hear us in here. We’re okay. I got you. Tell me what you need right now.

Alec: Thank you! *relieved* Hold on. I need pressure. *barely audible* So cold. I feel like I’m not... my brain isn’t connected to my body.... and my brain keeps trying to turn off... so drained... faint... fuzzy...

Magnus: *direct, and with feeling* I’m here. I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere. We’re going to be okay. *holds him close* Here? More? Try to relax. Breathe with me.

Alec: *trying not to scream* Harder. It hurts so much. My stomach! The pressure!!! *squirming* I feel... not safe... head is so loud. *far away, in shock* Hold tight as you can. *fainting* Don’t leave me! *in and out* Magnus... please... please...help. Make it stop. Everything fuzzy... tingling.

Magnus: *in professional mode* Alec where? Show me where you hurt?? Head? Stomach? Seems like both. Light sensitive? Dizzy, nauseated, constipation, stomach pain, fainting,... and...*puzzling it out* trauma responses? Migraine? *Sensing increased anxiety* You’re right. This is a big issue for you. *Holding his focus* I’m here. I’m right here. *Alec whimpers* I know it hurts. Slow breaths. Just breathe. *modeling deep, regular breaths* We’re okay. Just us in here.

Alec: *taking in the familiar safety of Magnus’ reassuring touch* I’m really glad you’re here. *shifts his weight towards the warlock* Not just because of your powers. Catarina could... *regretting the speed* do a lot for pain and...diagnosis... but you...*marveling, as flirtation* The HIgh Warlock of Alicante...*moving in for a kiss*

Magnus: *jokingly formal* Only the best, Inquisitor!

Magnus obliges, deepening the encounter, to manage pain and fear. Because he knows that’s why Alexander originally asked for them to do this together. To be safe and more comfortable in each other’s arms.

Alec: *breaking away reluctantly* Yeah but that’s not why I need you, remember? Not your powers...*fighting building pain and nausea* wise...generous.... brave... incredible.... *struggling to breathe*Magnus! Talk to me!

Magnus chuckles fondly at this moment. Alec trying to calm himself by repeating an old pep talk, only for his illness to interrupt him at the very moment he needs to hear and believe what he was about to say. He gently rubs Alec’s torso and continues:

“When you walk into a room, there’s a spark inside you, [healthy] or not, that lights up everything and everyone around you.”

Alec: *resigned* Let’s get out of here. There’s no way I’m focusing anyway. You’re gonna have to carry me. I’m not gonna make it up... *tries to stand* I... yeah that’s just not happening right now. *faint* Help me! I’m done being brave about this! Get Catarina... and then...*dropping the authority* I just want you. Alone time. Just be with me. Just let me be loved. *Remembering their wedding *I just want to be safe and comfortable. Let’s just talk, okay? I just want to be still. And not have to be so strong for awhile. I don’t want to pretend anymore. *finding a hand with the intention of romance, but it quickly turns into a forceful squeeze* It hurts!

Magnus: *quieting him* Okay. Okay. I got you. I’ll take care of you, Alec. *getting organized* You’re in too much pain to walk, and I don’t feel comfortable with a portal since you’re in and out so much today. I don’t want to hurt you any more than you already have to endure so Catarina and I should carry you magically. We should sedate you too. Your body and mind need a break. *brushing the hair from Alec’s eyes* To the infirmary though, my love. I know that you’re exhausted and you just want me... and sleep... but we need to finish finding some answers. You can’t live like this anymore. *Gesturing to their sparkling blue bubble* We need a plan to help you at least feel more comfortable and get you some better support. *Alec starts to tear up again, and Magnus intercedes with a soft kiss* I know. You can do this. We can do this...together. Just trust me.Again. Now, *regrouping* who else am I calling? I think it’s time to make some decisions and write some memos, hmm?

Alec: Ok... okay. Alright. *big sigh*You’re right. After... after I feel better. *suddenly clingy* Don’t leave. Stay here. Stay with me. Love me. Hold on to me. Keep me safe...please...*in business mode* call Catarina. And Jace, and our boys. And Underhill. He should help the Lightwoods keep Shadowhunters afloat...

Magnus: *aware of how close fear is bubbling under the surface of each syllable he hears, however brave it seems* Of course, angel. I’m not going anywhere. Shhh. Rest, my sweet warrior.

He sends a fire message to Catarina, with urgency. Her portal appears just outside the meeting, to maintain decorum and some privacy. Magnus has just finished his work to ready Alexander to be moved, when his old friend steps in, posting at Alec’s feet, so that Magnus can continue his vigil at his husband’s side, for emotional support, as needed.

Magnus: *trying to appear casually interested* Old friend...can I ask a question, please?

Catarina: *looking pointedly at him over her surgical mask* Magnus, we’ve known everything about each other for hundreds of years... and you’re his spouse. Speak!

Magnus: I’ll put it simply... brain and stomach... two separate organs. *darkly* that’s never a good sign... spread... *he trails off*

Catarina: *with sympathy* Magnus.... it may not be as bad as you’re thinking. Remember the saying? “Trust your gut”? There’s a direct pathway between the stomach and the nervous system. *lecturing, without meaning to* The butterfly feeling in your stomach? An extension of the brain. So if something is going on in Alec’s GI tract, it might just be setting off some extra alarm bells in that battle ready handsome head of his. It doesn’t necessarily mean horrible news. *friendly again* Or spreading. So stop spreading rumors and fear... and let me do my job. And you do yours! Keep him calm, comfortable and safe. And happy. It works backwards too. The more stress... the harder his symptoms will become. *becoming more direct* As a professional, I can’t monitor and moderate his mood and activity level. It’s not my job, and he’d likely never hear it from me. But you. This is... has always been...your most important job. He just wants you. He. ASKED. For. YOU. Just breathe. And be here for him. With him. We’ll figure the rest out as we know more. Have some faith in us, Magnus.

Magnus: *looking down at Alec’s finally restful face* Alec isn’t ready to tell the young ones...yet.

Catarina: *all professionalism* I know. Just blanket research for now. No IDs. No test results. No bad news...until they hear from Alec himself. I don’t disclose information for any of my patients. To anyone. EVER. I promise.Now...wait outside. *waving off his protests* No you shouldn’t help with these. Between them, yes. To take care of him. But you’re too close to help on the medical side of this. Care, only!

Blue lights. Loud sounds. And lots of cold, uncomfortable moments later. Catarina released them so she could finish scanning the results and making determinations. Alec is finally resting with Magnus. They are talking eagerly, now that Alec is medicated. It’s becoming clear to Magnus that he wants distraction from pain and anxiety, and he also wants to make the most of their time together. Remembering what this felt like to suddenly be running out of time, Magnus decides to indulge him...to a point.

Alec: *overly loud and fast, like he’s trying to get it out before the pain returns* Tell me about us! Tell me what you remember. The things only you would care about. I know we’re in a political mode today...

Magnus: *interrupting him, slowing him down, rubbing his back* But this has never been a politically motivated marriage. If you were that person, you would have chosen Lydia.

Alec: *slower, but more sincere and earnest* Here’s what you can do to support me- Kiss me like you did the first time we were in meetings! And when you proposed. Protect me like you did when I went searching for Jace. Like my China Town charm for you. Make me trust you like you did, the night we saved Luke. Control my body like you did when you were trying to convince me that I already loved you. You were right of course. You always knew my heart!

Magnus: *with genuine laughter for the first time in days* I suppose you’re planning to find some reason for me to take your clothes off? Like you did on our first date? *slides a hand playfully up under Alec’s shirt* Ok I got it. You want to talk about the good memories of you that I would put in my box? To crowd out the hard ones in your head? Here we go... Do you remember that lock place in Paris?

Magnus continues storytelling, interspersed with exploring what Alec feels up to trying (which is much more than Catarina would have approved) until Alec falls asleep.

Magnus however is wide awake. Just before he fell asleep (finally!) his beloved has once again surprised him.

Magnus: *quietly, not facing a snoring Alec* Alec wants to have a private dinner with me tomorrow. He’s (probably) DYING and he wants to have a date?!?! With our track record?!?! This will be interesting.

To be continued....


	5. Brothers and sisters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec has a dream about Maryse. Jace and Clary are concerned about him, so they go and talk about the family. Alec has more symptoms so Izzy and Magnus are needed, too. Izzy and Clary are sent to deliver to information about Alec to Catarina.
> 
> CW: suicide scares, friendship insecurity, grief, illness, nausea, vomiting, pain, yelling, fainting, blood, medical emergency, addiction

Maryse: *in Alec’s dream* I’m so proud of you. I’m proud of all of my children...but you...my Alexander. You’ve come so far! Look at the legacy you’ve built... my son. *motioning to his desk*Inquisitor Lightwood-Bane. Farther than any of us could have dreamed. And you’ve done it all with grace and diplomacy... and love. You serve and protect. It’s not about power for you. You make good decisions, good choices. You are the best of all of this family. *clasping his hands earnestly* And you do everything for others. Alec, you are always SO self sacrificing. Always putting your own needs last, especially your health and your body. Even for people you don’t even particularly like. Duty above everything else.  


You and I are alike on that score. Don’t wait as LONG as I did, my boy. Don’t wait until they take everything from you. *finally letting herself hold him close* To enjoy your life. You have a wonderful family. Your great love has opened up this beautiful, colorful blend of who we’ve become. Do not lose track of it. Let more light in, my Lightwood boy! *smiling as she looks in his eyes* 

Talk to your brother. Lean on each other. You’ll know what to say. Max told me to remind you about big brothers and fire setting and something about cat eyes.... and you know my breaking noses speech. Talk to him. Jace needs a strong bond just as much as you do right now. Izzy might not say as much but... she’s definitely my child... don’t let her fool you. She wants time with her brother. Let her know that she can come to you still...for advice and protection. Get her on her feet. Less talk, more movement. She’s a fighter, my girl. And Clary... *thinking hard, twirling her hair* I know you two aren’t close, but you’re still the best example of an older brother for her. It wasn’t easy...losing Jonathan....even after everything. Losing you... for both...not quite Herondales... will be difficult. Anticipating that is something you should prepare for, Alec. I think you should talk about Luke, too. Sweetheart, gather as many people in as you can. Always.....You are still a leader. Bring in the Blackthorns. The Carstairs. The Herondales. Tessa. The Academy. Simon! Even Lorenzo. Use your time...your strength...your loyalty and love...and yes...even your illness to unite all of us again. Bring the fae back home. This marriage with Magnus is a powerful thing. There’s healing in it. And not just for you. It’s a symbol. Use it. Rely on it. Rest in it. *distracted* I miss him...so much *reassuringly* Darling boy...it isn’t time yet, but we’ll be here for you. When it’s the right time, we’ll bring you home safe. Sleep well, Alexander. I love you.

Alec, finally able to speak once she leaves, awakes with “I love you, Mom” on his lips. And then “Thank you, Raziel!” 

Immediately, he calls Jace. 

Alec: *on phone* Jace, can you get over here?

Jace: *immediately alarmed* Alec, what’s wrong?! You alright? You sound... off.

Alec: *sigh* No... I’m okay... I’m just.... tired. Not talking very well yet. Can we talk? Something.... I need to say things. Please? 

Jace: You... of course! You never have to ask me twice. Can I bring you anything? Do you need anything? Brother....what can I do? 

Alec: *sheepishly* Clary, bring her with you. I need you and Clary today. I’ve been so...really dumb... and I need to talk to her. Please? I feel awkward asking her to come...but...

Jace: *on phone* Brother, what are you talking about? You’re family! It’s fine. I’m coming over there. *remembering the “If I lost you” conversation* You don’t sound good, okay? We’ll be RIGHT there!

Jace: *hanging up and desperately calling across the room* Clary we need to go NOW! Something is wrong with Alec. I can hear it in his voice. I don’t know what I feel but I need to be there, apparently he wants to talk to you... so please? *pleading* Come with me? 

Clary: *placing her palms on his chest* I would have come even if you hadn’t asked me. Alec is my family, even if we don’t always see eye to eye on everything. *stroking his arms* And he’s always your Parabatai... and I will go anywhere for you. *quick kiss* Come on. Let’s go! 

Jace: *deep breath* Okay...entreat me not to leave thee....

Jace: *almost beside himself* Alec! Where are you?! 

He and Clary burst into the room, leaving a stream of confusion in the courtyard, including Magnus. 

Alec: *calling out* Right here, Jace! By the Angel! You scared me... *breathing heavily* I’m fine. Okay so I’m not fine but... I’m not- look at me. This isn’t what you think! I’m not making amends. At least not that kind. I promise! *slowly* It’s okay. I’m okay. I just want to make sure that WE’RE okay. So much is changing for us...has changed for us...

Clary: *backing away* I’m gonna give you boys some privacy for a minute.....

Alec: *embarrassed* Sorry, Red. Thank you! 

Jace: *lost for words* Alec what....happened? I don’t....know what to do. Do you need...help? What...

Alec: *hoping physically being near each other will clarify things* Jace come here. Sit with me. How are you? Are you okay? Are we okay? I can’t tell... if it’s us or just my body being off- everything feels very confused and I just want to check in...*quickly* it’s not personal-

Jace: *just as quickly* No! Of course not! We’re good. *backtracking* Well...we’re okay. We’re in new territory. Again... *more confident* we just need to find our rhythm. Where we fit together in this...new world...*realizing* Why? Were you....worried that I wasn’t...gonna be here for you? That now that it’s a different battlefield? *smiles, cocky* Alec, come on. Who are you talking to? It’s me. I’m your Parabatai. I’m not going anywhere. I’m always going to be here for you.

Alec: *defensive* But you sent Magnus?!?! In the Clave meeting?

Jace: *matter-of-fact, as if stating the obvious* I used my training. I sent you the right person for the need. Magnus has healing spells and first aid training...beyond runes. And he could hide you from view. He can make medical decisions as your spouse. He can comfort you just as well, if not more than I can. And I have a stronger relationship with the Clave. My voice is less likely to be contested by the rest of the leadership...if I have to vote as your proxy.Magnus understands this. *gently, taking Alec by the hand* It’s not because I thought you wouldn’t ask for me to be with you. I was. I was right there. Still giving you strength. Just doing the other side of my job. *stifled laughter and trying to be formal* Shadowhunters. It’s what we do. Nothing is wrong. *with energy* I promise. We’ll talk...whenever you need....

Alec: *open and vulnerable* I don’t know how to fight this...together. But I do know that it would be so much harder not having you to talk to.

Jace: *adamant* That’s not gonna happen! Hard for me too. Let’s talk more often, alright? Alec? You’re emotions are really hard to read right now. 

Alec: *tired* My body and my brain are so confused. I’m not surprised that you don’t know what to do. I sure don’t.

Jace: One breath at a time. What’s next?

Alec: *deep breath* Clary... where is your favorite trouble maker, brother? 

Clary: Isabelle and I were...just discussing wardrobe options...for the ceremony. You wanted to see me....*being too formal, out of nervousness* Inquisitor?

Alec: *gently mocking her* Yes, Clarissa Herondale. I did. *seeing her relax* We sound ridiculous! Really, Clary. Let’s talk. Thank you for the drawings. They are beautiful. And helpful for my communication needs. You have your mother’s talent...for keeping important secrets, perhaps? *obviously trying to hide his symptoms from her* Anyway... I wanted to talk about our parents. I’ve realized that I’ve been...too quiet... about Luke. I know it’s only been a couple of years since… Jocelyn. And then Luke and Mom being together… But we are family now. For real. And he’s your father and I...should have done this differently. Been a better...older brother? You’ve been shortchanged with who you got in maybe both of us? I’m sorry for how I’ve been acting...well forever. * Clary starts to protest, but he cuts her off* It’s just that you read us both...so damn well. And you point out qualities in me... that I’d rather not see, especially publicly. And you are blunt and very hard to lie to. Which is why.... you’re in. *sips tea like he needs it to survive the day and the pain* Because you’ll be honest...and trustworthy. And creative. You’ll keep me on track with what is really important. And you love Jace...and Izzy. *coughs* You’ll take care of them. Be there for them. And Magnus! My beautiful Magnus! He loves you so much... *pausing to catch his breath* What is it he says? Cookie? 

Clary: *tearing up* Biscuit!

Alec: Right. Yes. Take care of him, please... I know I have no right to ask you for any favors. It’s no secret that we’ve never been best- *groans*

Clary: Alec! What’s wrong?! *quickly grabs her phone when she realizes that he’s unable to speak* Pick some for me... I’m here... brother. 

Alec: *via pictures* Stay. Jace. Strength. Izzy. Magnus. Sick. Pain. *clearly very weak and nauseated* Send...please...

Clary: *thoughtfully* Okay. I’m sending...*brings over a container and walks him into the bathroom* you know when I was with the kids yesterday ...*knowing how important legacy is to Alec* in training... I noticed that Malechi is so much like you. With arrows. He almost never hesitates... I can tell you’ve been working with him. He can’t wait until his test. He’s so proud and focused...

Jace: *puzzled, not having memorized the code* Clary...you texted- Oh no! *hearing Alec struggling from behind the door* He asked for me right? I need to get in there! ALEC! I’m here...

Magnus: *furious* WHAT HAPPENED?!?!

Clary: No-nothing! *Defensive* We were just talking about the...Maryse and you.... and Luke...Magnus, I don’t know what happened. He was...okay...with Jace. Or at least he claims that he was. Jace didn’t really believe him. And then... he was being his usual melodramatic self... and he was in pain but I thought he was managing. He kind of shut down on me, so I used the pictures. And he’s in there. *guilty* Apparently, really sick. Magnus, I tried... I tried to help him...I’m sorry...

Magnus: *apologetic* It’s okay. I’m sorry, Biscuit. I didn’t mean to yell. I’m just scared for him. And even though I really don’t think it was the case this time, stress CAN make it worse for him. But right now, I think he’s still learning his body... and learning to trust us with this.

Izzy: Magnus....what do you mean?

Magnus: *as if he was telling a story of victory to children* What I mean, pretty one, that Alexander is used to his body being a strong, professional machine. He knows what it can do. What he can withstand and what he needs to plan for. And now... that’s unpredictable. It’s likely to continue changing and...may decline fairly quickly. We... are his family. But he also knows us as the soldiers he leads in battle. This is not a typical, well defined enemy. This is his very new daily life. He trusts us to defend his old life in the battle he knows how to fight. But he has to learn who we are...as a team...all over again for this part. How does he lead when the entire fight is about keeping him alive and safe? How does he plan when his own body changes the rules? How does he inspire us when he feels broken? How does he rely on our skills when he thinks his are disappearing? How does he support our leadership development when he needs our support? How does he admit that he needs more help from us...

Izzy: *sighs* without feeling like a failure. Like I did with my addiction... By the Angel... he’s been refusing his pain meds! For my sake. *distantly* no wonder he’s so miserable.

Magnus: *clicking his tongue* Stupid, brave, selfless Angel boy. Still the same person I fell in love with.... still doesn’t know how to speak up for his own good. Jace, how’s it going in there?!

Alec: *in a tone his husband would always take seriously* Magnus... please! I’m not okay!

Jace: You’ll likely never hear me say this again.... Seriously, HELP!

Magnus: *with characteristic humor* You’re in my bathroom....why does it look like you’ve reopened destroyed Edom?

Seriously? What...is...happening?

Alec: *unfocused, delirious and almost not able to rouse himself from fainting* Hey love...come here. I don’t feel... very safe...Stay close. Pain spells...fainting falling. Little sisters send help. Parabatai gave too much strength. Brother should save energy. *faints again*

Magnus: *seeing true emergency in their faces now* Okay. I’m here. I’ll stay. You’re right. Brothers and sisters will always help each other...especially with pain. Just breathe, love. *aware that he’s probably just repeating empty words to calm himself* We can do this together. Help is coming.

*calling out* Izzy! Clary! Go find Catarina! Now! Tell her: Pain, constipation, vomiting, fainting and ...as we feared *hands Izzy a piece of torn toilet paper so he doesn’t scare an already weakened Alec* GO!

Izzy: *almost crying from guilt* Pain meds, Magnus! He hasn’t been taking any! You should....

Magnus: I’ll try! He knows you love him! Now, in the name of Heaven’s Wish...GO!

Izzy and Clary read the note outside in the Courtyard. 

Both together: *shocked* DEMON BLOOD INFECTION?!?!

To be continued....


	6. Fathers and sons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Summary: Alec and Magnus have a series of father-son talks with all the generations of Lightwood-Banes. Everyone’s Parabatai is also involved, of course.
> 
> CW: illness, medical treatment and planning, nausea, vomiting, dizziness, pain, fainting, addiction and family dynamics

Magnus: *relieved* There you are....Alexander....

Alec: *sleepily* There you are. Where’s Iz- What?!?! * looking over his shoulder to see Isabelle literally brandishing his medications asif she was ready to attack him*

Izzy: You are going to TAKE these, big brother. You need them and you’re going to take them. Even if I have to force you...for your own good!

Alec: *seeing the tracks of tears across his sister’sface* Isabelle Lightwood Lovelace, will you never understand? You don’t have to fight me on this. You don’t have to fight with any of us anymore. I’ll take the meds...for you even...since it’s clearly so important to you. But you shouldn’t be handling them. And you’re not in charge here. I’m still Inquisitor. And I’m still your big brother. And I still make decisions about my body. Catarina can override me here, but if I need help with daily medication, I think it’s wisest to ask Magnus. Because I need us all focused. I can’t spend energy worrying about you, if I don’t have to for this type of thing *giving her a side hug* put your whip away...or save it for Comic-Con with your very own Clark Kent! *laughs*

Izzy: *setting down her weapons and handing over the meds to her brother-in-law* Okay...ok. I’m sorry. You scared me. Alec. I can’t think about what I would do if...you weren’t...you. *trying to avoid using the word- gone* I just need to... DO something!

Catarina: *taking control of the room* You are doing something, Isabelle. Thank you for bringing Tessa and I be into the know. I need to give an update. Alec, are you comfortable with me sharing information...or would you like us to clear the room? *waits for instructions*

No...please. Everyone is my family here. *smiles at Simon*

Catarina: *shrugs* Okay. So there’s were three potential diagnoses that I was looking at for you.

The first two were mundane possibilities....the third, well... *sighs*

  1. When you went into the (battle at) the NY Institute last year, a piece of shrapnel went into your abdomen and we removed it. I think it’s damaged some nerves in your GI system so that you’re not processing waste correctly; your nerves won’t let things through anymore. Everything is pressing on the same nerves that cause fight or flight as the body gets too full
  2. You have early stages of colon cancer
  3. Option 1, except that the shrapnel happened to be covered in ichor...of a demon... who is responsible... for your mother’s death. And poisonous ichor is slowly...destroying your body.



I had hoped for option 1, because it’s annoying but manageable, or even option 2 because I know how to treat it..... but *looks at Magnus sorrowfully*

Magnus: *cupping Alec’s face in his hands* You are a true Child of Raziel, my love. You were injured sacrificing to try to save your mother’s life. You are a man of honor, Alec, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Alec: Magnus!*choking up* I’m so sorry.....*realizing* You...knew?!?! How long? How could you not tell me? It must have....hurt you... come to me! *a tearful embrace*

Magnus: I suspected but I was holding out hope that it was the nerve injury the first night *sniffs* and then at the meeting when you mentioned flashbacks I thought maybe cancer had spread.... to your brain...*still crying* And then just now I saw the ichor...all over the bathroom...Oh Clary....I KNEW immediately... and I just couldn’t...handle it... I knew that we needed to get you stable before I could break... just stay here with me for a minute. I just need a minute...

Alec: Stop acting like you need special permission to hold me! I know that you’ve always valued my consent, but Magnus if I have to... I won’t even go there right now... if I have to be miserable and terrified. There’s no place I’d ever want to be than in your arms. I’m not going to break if you touch me. And even if I was, you are the only person I trust to pick up my pieces.

Jace: *Izzy tries to punch in animate objects to avoid giving into deeper temptations*

Oh my god! Izzy! Come here, sis...

Simon: Clary! I need a Parabatai moment.

Izzy: *having to be physically restrained by Jace* How long? HOW LONG! *even louder* ALEXANDER! How long? *crying softly* how long have you known that you were sick? How long have you been suffering? *long pause* alone....

Alec: *sighs deeply* since.... the funeral. That’s when I knew that I wasn’t recovering well...

Magnus: Alec.... why didn’t you.... oh you thought I’d.... break my promises *meaningful glance at Jace*

Clary: *running to him* Oh my gosh! Alec no! Now I understand why you felt guilty about not being there for me with Luke’s passing. Not only had you just lost your mom... you’re sick! I wish I could have.... I wish you would have told me earlier. It’s okay *whimpers* I love you.

Jace: *Astonished* Brother... how? How did I not see this earlier?! A year? I thought you were grieving.... I thought you were hiding emotionally... but this? How did you cope?

Alec: *sighs* Honestly, the same way I always have. You. All of you. Using your strength, and your strengths. Putting you all in positions where you would shine. And take care of yourselves....while I could...rest. But it didn’t help enough for the long term...

Rafe and Max: Dad! *everyone exclaims love and surprise*

Max: *hurt* You told us to come, but you didn’t explain how urgent it was. Why?

Rafe: *Suddenly torn between embracing his father and showing the respect due to the Inquisitor* I was in the meeting. I knew that your Parabatai was unusually involved... but I had no idea...Papa must’ve been helping with something...

Max: I could have helped you, Papa! *turning to Magnus* I could have...disrupted the meeting... because I’m nota representative...*frustrated grumbling* I know, I know. We can’t run the entire government... we’re Lightwood-Bane’s... not Morgensterns.

Both sets of Lightwood siblings: *in unison, reflexively* “We break noses, and accept the consequences.”

Magnus: *as if finishing the second half of a family lecture with Maryse* “Lex mala, lex nula. A bad law is no law at all”

Alec smiles, remembering his dream.

Alec: I know this is difficult to understand but I didn’t know...things would develop so...quickly. I didn’t want to ruin the celebrations. I don’t want you to make the anniversary party all about...my health. Losing... it’s a celebration of THIS FAMILY and what we mean...what we bring to the Shadow World as a whole.

Rafe: What do I tell my son? My Malechi? He will be devastated. He sees you as a hero. Invincible. We all do. But if you have... an episode... especially publicly...during the ceremony? We need a plan.

As if on cue, Alec’s body takes over and ichor spurts out of him in a rush. Catarina has a container that marks data as it magically self cleans. Jace takes over speaking as his Parabatai recovers himself in Magnus’ arms.

Jace: *his arms stretched between Alec and Rafe* We will show him- we will show them all how Parabatai support each other. I will be there, for whatever Alec needs me to do and help him through. And I will be there for Malechi.... and Ragnor. And they will be there for each other. Now more than ever. This is why we have the ceremony....the bond was forged by the Angels for...

Alec: *looking up, gasping* many.... types of....battles....

Clary: *as if the conversation is trivial given Alec’s obvious distress* Breathe! Take a minute... breathe. Breathe, Alec... ssshhhh. You’re okay....*comforting him as if he were Jayson* Alright?

Alec: *slightly slurred* Okay. Okay. I’m...*deciding to answer honestly* dizzy.... I just want to close my eyes for awhile. Can we turn the lights down? Please...Mag- *falls into his embrace*

Magnus: *worried, quietly* Max, lights please? I think I should hold him. This doesn’t look stable and he’s almost out...

Max: *dousing the lights* Uncle Jem! Auntie Tessa! *Catarina shushes him* Please tell me that you have good news from the Silent Brothers?!

Jem: *deliberately* we have an idea. But it’s never been tried before... and frankly... I don’t like it. But I know better than to try to talk any Herondale out of anything....

Tessa: *lovingly* especially when there’s Parabatai involved-

Jace: Parabatai?! Whatever you need-

Jem: Well, that’s my worry. If we were using your true Parabatai bond, it would be safer but because we need more angel blood concentration to counteract the spread of the demon blood-

Catarina: Herondale, pull out your leadership instincts or fatherly wisdom... because you need to have a father-son talk...

Tessa: with Jonathan!

Catarina: *seeing everyone processing shock* She means.... with Jayson! *there is a collective sigh of relief*

Jacefinds Jayson in the music and art studio. (He is a Herondale, after all).

Jace: Hey, Jay. *out of breath* can we talk? I need your help with a mission.

Jay: Of course. Aunt Isabelle, or the Inquisitor? I just want to know if we’re going home first... and I’d like to still be around for the Parabatai ceremony...we are all family.

Jace: We’ll be here.... And it’s a mission, for me....Um, Jayson... this is a different kind of mission... and it’s really dangerous and new. And if I have to trust anyone else but me... I’m glad it’s you, my son. So before I explain, I already want to say....thank you, Jonathan Luke. I’m so proud of you.

Jay: *hesitating* Okay. Dad, you’re starting to scare me! You NEVER call me Jonathan. Where’s Mama?! What’s going on?!

Jace: *clearing his throat* Jay, your mother is fine. And I’m sure you’ll be here for the *emphasizing the word* Parabatai...ceremony.

Jayson: *coming over to him* At dinner... you all disappeared so fast. He’s ill, isn’t he? I can see it in your eyes.What do I need to do? It doesn’t matter how dangerous! I’ll do it!

Jace: Slow down, young one! Your angel blood is extra powerful. *laughs* And apparently so is your family loyalty and love. I love that about you. You get your spirit from your mother. But you need to understand that the transfusions could very easily weaken your system, make you more vulnerable to future wounds (especially if you run across the same type of demon attack in the future) or Alec’s infection could spread directly into your body. I can’t make this decision for you....and as much as it would hurt me to lose Alec.... losing you.... or even worse... trying and losing both of you. I don’t....have words. This is an impossible choice. For a last ditch chance. It’s never been tried before. And Uncle Jem isn’t even sure that it will turn out better for either one of you. But I had to ask.

Jayson: Dad-

Jace: Jonathan, before you answer... I just want you to know that I’ll always love you and I’m always going to be proud of the person and the artist and the soldier you’ve become. You never have to prove yourself to me. You are always my child and you are always a part of this family. That is not going to change. Ever. No matter what happens. No matter what you decide. It’s YOUR decision. You understand me?

Jay: Yes.

Jace: Would you like to go talk to the medical team about the mission before you make a final decision? *Jayson wavers, unsure of how Jace expects him to respond* I think you should go, for the sake of the accurate information. I’ll go with you. I would like an update on his condition. And I think, if he’s feeling up to it.... he’ll probably want to talk to both of us. And Jayson? *looking at his son fondly* Thank you.

Jay: *startled out of fidgeting with the piano keys for comfort before they left*For what, Dad? I haven’t done anything yet.

Jace: Thank you already.... *tousling the Fairchild red hair he loved so much in both of his aspiring Van Goughs* for being the best decision I’ve ever made.

They headed downstairs, past the armory. Jayson marveled at going out on mission with absolutely no weapons at all. Eventually, they found Jem and Tessa quiet outside of the infirmary.

Jem: I’m glad you are here, Jonathan Luke Herondale. *Jayson found it very disconcerting how many people in his family had used his full name today, even as a non-guilty adult*Although I wish we did not have to ask such great sacrifices from you.

Jayson: Thank you for your faith in me.

Tessa: *smiles* You are so like my Will. Neither of you are difficult to trust. Herondales. And Parabatai. And demon illnesses. And asking so much of each other.

Clary: *embracing her boys* My love, you’re here.

Jace always found her greeting amusing when they were all together, because they never knew who she meant, not that it really mattered either way.

Jem: *addressing everyone* I have spoken with the Silent Brothers. They have agreed that this is related to the demon pox that Magnus and Tessa will remember from my time as a Shadowhunter youth. It is related, but not the same, and therefore will require a different treatment. As Catarina has already partially explained to some of you, Inquisitor Lightwood-Bane’s condition- sorry Alec’s condition- is related to a mundane condition in which nerve damage in the lower GI tract has caused a partial internal paralysis, leading to severe constipation, abdominal pain, dizziness, light sensitivity, nausea, diarrhea, fainting and anxiety. Even if we are successful in our endeavor, these symptoms will still need to be managed, especially given that even iratze runes drawn by his Parabatai have little significant lasting results. Catarina will continue to oversee this section of diagnosis, treatment and symptom management. Although these issues could be a timing problem in the field, long term treatment shouldn’t interfere too much with his leadership and family responsibilities.

However, our task is, as usual, complicated by a demonic element. During the attack, the particular piece of metal had become saturated with ichor before penetrating Alec’s stomach. Unfortunately, this means that in addition to the nerves being damaged, poisonous debris has entered his blood and is causing his angelic gifts to weaken as well. If untreated, he will endure a painful illness and a suffering fate. Because of his status and our recent alliance, the Silent Brothers, the Iron Sisters, the Praetor Lupus and the warlocks of the Spiral Labyrinth have all formed a committee to find a solution. Surprisingly, the answer came from Seelies. Yes we reached out to the Fae, having exhausted all of their options. They came to us with the story about Daylighters. They had some ideas about the whole Simon’s story might help in the situation. It would seem every Shadowhunter in this family has given blood to Simon at some point, everyone other than Alec himself, which eventually granted Simon the ability to shed some of the trappings of the effects of demon blood on his system. Kieran presented the idea that transfusions of angelic blood may have a positive effect on the additional symptoms from the infection. Given that... *trying not to mention Valentine’s experimentation* the Herondale family... now has extra strength Nephillim DNA... Jonathan Luke Herondale is young, strong and our community’s best effort at fighting this disease. That is if he willingly consents to be part of these procedures. We will not force him. It comes with many risks.

  * Blood loss
  * Weakness 
  * Death during the process 
  * Vulnerability to future demon attacks 
  * Contracting the infection himself, with no one else to retry the process for either one of them 



We will be available to answer questions about the lasting effects for either one of them, the procedure itself, and potential safety issues for the rest of us.

We can only reasonably allow one full day to decide and if we are going ahead with it...we need one more full day to prepare ourselves to begin. Thank you for your attention.

Alec: Jayson... I need to... talk with you.

Jay: *startled* Uncle... I wasn’t expecting you to be awake. You heard all of that? It sounds awful! Are you alright?! I heard Magnus say earlier about stress... I don’t want to make things worse for you.

Alec: *gently* No my boy, talking with you will always ease me. I wanted to say that you do have a choice. This is a great sacrifice and there is a lot to...wisely consider... and fear. No one would ever blame you for deciding otherwise.

Jay: *gravely* If they didn’t, they should. I’d be guilty of destroying you...my father... my family.

Alec: *dry laugh* You sound like me at your age. Exactly as your father predicted. Jayson...please don’t weigh your life against the lie that you aren’t worth just as much as I am to this family. To your father. To Magnus. To Nephillim. Don’t let this idea of creativity being a failing... or not having a partner....make you doubt your value to Raziel. Here. As an individual. As exactly yourself. If you do this...let it be because you trust yourself and you trust that this is His plan for your life. Not out of duty or Parabatai loyalty...that isn’t yours...or some imagined debt to me as your uncle...or worse as your Inquisitor...my position doesn’t have weight here, alright? Your choice. Do as you feel the Angels lead.

Jayson goes back to the studio with the intention of sketching Alec in his sick bed, but somehow finds himself focused on drawing his father’s face instead...as he had caught Jace observing their conversation. As though it might be the last time he ever got a chance to really look at one or both of the two most important men in his life.

Alec: *noticeably anxious* Rafe! Max! You need to know....how proud I am to be your father. You two are my greatest accomplishments. I’m so glad that I got to be part of the stories you’re creating. *shaking* You will continue to surprise us all. Rafe... Te amo mijo. You are a better person and a better Shadowhunter than I’ll ever be. And getting to watch you learn to be a father... I never thought I could be so happy. *obviously in severe stomach pain* I need to be here with you...when we tell...Mal..you shouldn’t have to go through something like that alone... and it’s my story to tell... he should hear it from me... from both of us. Father and son talk... especially if Jayson doesn’t... or if we both- *breathing shallowly, groans in pain* Max! 

Max: *scared but trying to sound professional* I’m right here, Dad. What do you need?! What’s happening? Do you want medication? Papa?

Alec: *through his teeth* I’m not sure if it’s the ichor or something underneath... from the shrapnel...not pain medicine ... too much... stuck. Grab your girlfriend...*Max looks dumbfounded* You didn’t think I knew about you and Madzie? *he laughs heartily and it relaxes his whole body slightly* I’m your father....and the Inquisitior . I know *almost yelling the last word from pain* EVERYTHING!

*arches his back involuntarily*

Seeing Alec like this sends Max into a frenzied state. Every minute of his Warlock medical care training came into focus and took over his body...everything except his mouth.

Max: *loudly and with authority* Papa! Angelfish! I need you over here NOW! I think he has an obstruction! I need more hands for this...

Madzie jumped at his use of her pet name in public but Catarina didn’t even bother to admonish them about lapses in professional protocols, especially since Magnus wasn’t taking no for an answer either. Immediately five streams of sparkling hue hovered around Alec, attempting to encourage his body to let go of unnecessary waste and reduce muscle tension. They would adjust his medical care later so that the situation would not remain this emergent, but for now, speed and ichor prevented them from relying upon more traditional mundane medical treatments.

Alec: *sleepily* Ok time to get Malechi.

Magnus: Are you sure you’re ready, love? Are you well enough to talk right now?

Alec: *readying himself* Yes. Magnus, I NEED to this. Remember when you NEEDED your magic? Well, I need this because I don’t want to leave.... but I DEFINITELY don’t want to leave with anything unsaid...if I don’t absolutely have to. That’s the beauty of this part. I have time to do this well. To use it well. Mom said....Please don’t stop me from trying. Just be here...and help me.

Magnus: *wistfully* Ok. I get it. I’ll be here. Rafe... you should go and bring Malechi to us... please? Go to him... mijo.

Rafe takes off running, well aware that his parents only use Spanish endearments for him when things are very serious. He finds his son in the expected place. Rafe found it comforting that at least the boys would have the opportunity to steady each other’s emotions since they were already together training.... when he was about to break their hearts. He touched his father’s arrows for luck, which Alec kept hanging in the doorway when not in use. He decided to follow the example and use his first language.

Rafe: *more soberly than he intends* Mijos, necesitamos que hablar con ustedes. Es muy importante. *turning to his son* Sobre abuelo. Ven conmigo...por favor. 

He wraps his boy in a hug, and smiles as Malechi reaches almost immediately for Ragnor’s hand to pull him along. He’s already always been his person. He’s family, and needed for comfort.

Ragnor: *whispers to Malechi* Estoy aquí, primo. Esta bien. Cálmate. 

Back in the infirmary, Alec looks tired but more comfortable. Magnus is joking with him, their fingers are intertwined, so that their wedding rings fit together. Rafe realizes he may have caught them cuddling, and clears his throat. 

Magnus: *brightly* Oh hi. Malechi... so handsome in gear! Alec wanted to let you know some things before the ceremony next month. 

Malechi: *stunned* the infirmary? ¿Está enfermo? Qué...*recovering himself* You requested to speak with us, Inquisitor? What is it? How are we to serve our mandate today?

Alec: *impressed and amused* Well done! A perfect formal greeting... you’ve been studying since the dinner party. Yes, I did want to talk, but relax. And sit down, boys. This isn’t a formal meeting. Even if I did have an assignment or an extra practice session for you.... this isn’t really the best place for it. 

I need to actually give you an assignment for your Parabatai ceremony and the celebration afterwards. What do you think, Ragnor?

Ragnor: *excited about being included in what appears to be a family conference* Of course, sir. Whatever you need! 

Alec: *winking at Jace* I’m glad that you’re willing to help. I have some PRIVATE information for you two. I trust you to keep it in this room for now. The truth is... I AM sick. Very much so. It started because of the mission.... when my mother was killed. We are trying a new treatment.... but it’s risky. And even if it works, I’ll still have lingering effects and symptoms. I’m okay sometimes... but other times...I’m really struggling. And it’s...bad... And we’re worried about the situation with the Clave. How they will react... and whether or not they would continue to accept my leadership if they knew the extent of my new...disability. I’m trusting you both to .... help me get through the ceremony and the party... if I’m not feeling well. Just help cover for me, if we need to ....handle the situation. I know this isn’t really the celebration any of us wanted for you. I’m so sorry to both of you.

Malechi: *reaching out to him* ¿Abuelo....puedo hacer algo para usted? What treatment? Is it dangerous? *suddenly remembering official language* How can we support you further during this difficult time? 

Alec: Si, Nieto. Es muy peligroso. *suddenly very grateful to Lorenzo and Christina for 30 years of Spanish lessons to signal difficult topics* Unfortunately, only your uncle Jayson had the unique qualities we need for this mission. There is a strong chance that this will not work, and one or both of us may be lost. *shifting his weight in the bed* I know that as Nephillim we accept this part of life with our mandate, but because in this case I do have the opportunity to help prepare everyone for what COULD happen...so I am talking to everyone. Slowly. In small groups. As I have enough energy... *aware of how tired he felt and how his head throbbed as the lights flickered* and as we find out new information. You and Ragnor are the last of the immediate family members to know...it wasn’t that I didn’t want you in the know....it’s because you didn’t have any direct medical involvement yet. And I wanted to tell you myself *reaching for Malechi’s hand again* and I....wasn’t sure what to say. I wanted to tell you at the dinner party but- 

Ragnor: *finding his voice* You had a bad night? ¿La primera vez, verdad? You looked miserable, but you were hiding it. Even from your husband. And your Parabatai. Why? 

Alec: It’s a good question, joven. I tried so hard to get through the celebrations. I didn’t want anyone to be sad or worried about me. I told myself that I didn’t want to draw attention from you two and Magnus... *pausing for water* but if I’m honest I was terrified that I would be seen as weak. That I would be questioned as a leader. That I would be a burden and my contributions to this family would be over. But not asking for what I definitely needed... just made it harder. *accepting more pain meds from Magnus* Back then and probably in the long run. I’m sorry I didn’t trust this family sooner. I am so happy that everyone else has been proving me wrong lately. I’ve never felt more comfortable and supported and valued. Rafe... puedes hablar con ellos. Necesito un descanso. *letting out a long breath and closing his eyes*

Rafe: *showing his emotions* Claro. Come here a minute. Boys, all of us are shaken up by this news, myself included. And I want you to know that if either of you have any questions or anything that you want to talk about...estoy aquí para los dos. *pulling himself closer to the group* We’re all here for each other and we are all very proud of you and no matter what happens with anyone’s health... nada va a cambiar eso. ¿Comprenden? *earnestly* Para siempre, mijos. 

Magnus: Guys? I want to remind you that I’m going to be right there for the events too. So medically it won’t be on your shoulders. We can do this. No se preocupen. No matter what happens with the treatment. I will be here. I will take care of everyone. I am not going anywhere. *wiping away tears in his eyes* I love you both. Congratulations! Go... take care of each other. *hugging Mal* Enjoy YOUR celebration. *hugging Ragnor* You’ve earned it. *looking at Rafe* You are all so much like your fathers. The best of all of them! 

The boys disappear back to the training room, but less enthusiastically than before. They talk quietly, more focused on their new ‘mission’ than sparring.

Magnus: *worried about Alec’s expression when he turns back to the bed* Alec- Alexander! Are you alright?!

Alec: *looking deathly pale and not sure his voice was his own* No. No. Hold me. I think I’m going to fai-

Magnus rushes over to the love of his life and...

To be continued....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spanish translations:  
> Te amo - I love you  
> Mijo- my son, term of endearment  
> Necesitamos hablar con ustedes- we need to talk to you (plural)  
> Es muy importante- it’s very important  
> Sobre abuelo - about grandfather  
> Ven conmigo - come with me  
> Por favor - please  
> Estoy aquí, primo - I’m here, cousin (used for all family)  
> Está bien - it’s okay  
> Cálmate - calm yourself  
> ¿Está enfermo? - Are you sick? (formal)  
> ¿Qué? - What?  
> ¿Puedo hacer algo para usted? - Can I do anything for you? (formal)  
> Sí, nieto - Yes, grandson  
> Es muy peligroso - It’s very dangerous  
> ¿La primera vez, verdad? - The first time, right?  
> Joven - young one  
> Puedes hablar con ellos - you can talk with them (informal)  
> Necesito un descanso - I need a break  
> Claro - of course  
> Nada va a cambiar eso - nothing is going to change that.  
> Para siempre - For always  
> ¿Comprenden? - You understand? (Plural)  
> No se preocupen- Don’t worry yourselves


End file.
